The Power of Love

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Romance is an interesting word. It conjures up all kinds of thoughts for both men and women: candlelight, soft music, longing looks. Some might even think of a walk in the park or a bike ride together. But no matter how you see it, romance is really the act of wooing one another; it's a longing to be with someone and acting in such a way that makes that person desire to be with you.

For many couples, romance is easy before marriage—there were no kids to distract them, no pressures of finances to fight over, no annoying habits to live with. After marriage, these things start to eat away at your longing to be with your spouse. Desire is a key part of romance, so the act of wooing doesn't work very well if there is none. Perhaps you've grown distant in your relationship and you spend more time with friends and the children than you do with each other.

These 10 ideas will help bring back the desire you enjoyed as a couple early on in your relationship. But they have nothing to do with mood lighting or lingerie. These suggestions will give you back the romance you've lost by making your character more attracted (and attractive) to your spouse.

1. Communicate. As simple as it seems, you need to talk to each other. You may be thinking, But I talk to my spouse all the time. I'm not talking about discussing family business. When I say "talk" I mean dream together, share your thoughts, expose your feelings instead of keeping them to yourself. It's important to turn off the television or put down that magazine and look into each other's eyes while you converse. Really listen and understand. If your spouse is distracted, then ask him or her to carve out 10-15 minutes just to catch up.

If you do this regularly, you will start to see your spouse with depth and color. You'll begin to appreciate his or her ambitions and desires. You may think you couldn't possibly learn anything new about your spouse, but husbands and wives are humans who change and grow. What are the ways your spouse has grown lately? What new things has he or she learned? Why not find out? It will be the best 10-15 minutes of your day.

2. Keep short accounts and extend forgiveness regularly. Nothing will ruin a desire to be with your spouse faster than resentment and bitterness. In return, it also ruins your spouse's desire to be with you. Fights are going to happen in marriage; there's no way around it. But you can choose to handle these conflicts in the right way and build up your marriage instead of tearing it down.

In Ephesians 4:31-32, the apostle Paul exhorts, "Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you."

We have the power to forgive because Christ forgave us, and He gives us strength through the Holy Spirit. As you let go of harbored hurts, you will be free to love your spouse, no matter how many mistakes he or she has made. And as a result your mate will love you even more.

3. Live selflessly. As followers of Christ, we are called to be servants (Galatians 5:13). This not only applies to the church body and our neighbors, but it also applies in marriage. Since we live so closely to our husbands and wives, it's easy to forget that we are called to serve them as much as anyone else. As a matter of fact, your spouse may be the most important person in your life (other than Christ) to serve.

As you put your husband's or wife's needs above your own, you will find that you argue less, feel sorry for yourself less; your children will be more secure and happy; and you will find greater fulfillment as you watch your spouse enjoy the fruits of your kindness. Jesus said if you want to be great, you must be the servant of all (Mark 10:43).

4. Use words of affirmation regularly. The tongue is a powerful tool. James 3:6 tells us that the tongue has the ability to defile the whole body and set on fire the course of a man's life. In the same way, a critical attitude can make or break a marriage.

Instead of pointing out all of the ways your spouse regularly disappoints you, start to look for the positive attributes. Take the opportunity to express your heartfelt appreciation. By giving a little praise, more of your mate's good qualities will stand out, and in addition, you will find your spouse's heart growing larger toward you as he or she feels more appreciated and adored.

5. Never stop saying, "I love you." A woman at one of FamilyLife's Weekend to Remember® marriage getaways was ecstatic because her husband told her, "I love you." This couple had been married more than 25 years, and the last time that phrase left his lips was on their wedding day. "I told her once," her husband said. "I figured that was enough."

The words "I love you" never grow old—your wife or husband needs to hear them regularly, especially when you've had a fight or he or she has disappointed you in some way.

6. Laugh together. Marriage isn't just a business deal. You have the opportunity to be best friends if you're willing to invest in the relationship. Do you remember all the fun things you did together when you were dating? Stop reminiscing about those memories from the past and create some new ones.

Proverbs 17:22 says, "A joyful heart is good medicine, but a broken spirit dries up the bones." Play games with other couples and be on the same team. Watch a comedy together, and then go have ice cream after the show. Turn off the TV and tell your favorite jokes. If you're ready for a change in your marriage, make room for a little laughter in your schedule.

7. Tame your thoughts. I've heard it said that the most sexual organ in the body is the mind. If your mind isn't in the mood for love, then nothing will be. Women especially have a difficult time enjoying sexual intercourse if they are emotionally unprepared. Even men will find it hard to enjoy if they feel emotionally detached from their spouses.

The cure is to control your thought processes. Women, while you are intimate with your husband, think of him, not your laundry or the things you have to do the next day. Men, don't think of sex as a purely physical event. Talk to your wife; think of her and not the models you saw in television commercials earlier. As a Christian, the Holy Spirit gives you the ability to control your thoughts, so choose to have thoughts that uplift and focus on your spouse.

8. Pray together. Spiritual intimacy is more important than physical intimacy. Many couples have regular sexual activity, but are not intimate—they miss out on the soul, the person your spouse is underneath the flesh. Christ is the bond that makes marriages strong and sturdy.

By praying together, you begin to have a deeper respect and admiration for each other spiritually. When the spiritual part of a relationship is sturdy and strong, that lays the foundation for a healthy physical intimacy. For more information on this topic, order Two Hearts Praying as One by Dennis and Barbara Rainey.

9. Check your expectations. If you find that your spouse is continually disappointing you, it may not be his or her actions; it may be your expectations. Everyone comes into marriage with a set of unspoken rules about life. "Husbands should always ..." and "Wives should always ... ." These rules are based on conclusions we've made watching our own parents and other couples that we admire.

There is nothing wrong with goals and objectives, but it isn't fair to create unspoken expectations for your spouse and then get annoyed when they aren't followed. If you will stop assuming and start communicating, you'll become less irritated and a lot more in love with your mate.

10. Never say the word "divorce." Marriage is a covenant that is made to last until death. That may be hard to believe in a culture where divorce is commonplace, but the Word of God is very serious about the promise of vows between man and wife (Matthew 19:3-9).

I've heard many couples use the word divorce as a way to threaten and control his or her spouse, such as, "If you don't stop ... I'll divorce you." But what this person may not understand is that a threat only plants seeds of fear and mistrust in your marriage. If you choose to handle conflict in this way, your spouse can become afraid that you're going to leave and find it difficult to trust you. These feelings then lead to bitterness and isolation.

Instead, tell your spouse that you will never leave. Assure him or her that you meant the vows that you took on your wedding day. Although there may need to be changes in your marriage and even marriage counseling, let your husband or wife know that you are willing to work things out because you made a promise to your spouse and to God to stay in the marriage as long as you both shall live.

If you will practice these 10 ideas regularly, I guarantee a more romantic marriage. Romance is more about wooing than getting what you want, and a loved spouse will love you back. Don't wait until it's too late to begin practicing these principles. Start today.

Meet Don. Don is a basketball "nut." He's the kind of sports buff who can talk nonstop about his favorite basketball teams with anybody who'll listen. One evening, Don's wife took a seat next to him on the couch. She placed her arms around his neck and asked him point-blank: "Do you love me more than basketball?"

Puzzled, Don considered her question for a long minute before answering. He finally said, "College or NBA?"

While most of us men would never make a blunder of that magnitude, we often miss the opportunity to affirm our wives. Marriage is not a spectator sport. Nor is it a place for verbal jabs or cynical put-downs. Those male digs might work in the locker room with the boys, but they're out of bounds with our wives.

What do Don's wife, your wife, and my wife need? Affirmation. Lots of it. Soft, tender, thoughtful, unexpected, meaningful, heartfelt affirmation delivered with no sexual demands attached. That's difficult for a man, I know. A man usually sets goals and generally acts only when he is after something. When it comes to romance, he's tempted to give affirmation only because he hopes to "get sex" in return.

You and I will score big when we make our goal unconditional affirmation—no strings attached. My aim is to make my wife feel loved, valued, cherished, and affirmed as the love of my life.

We all would do well to watch Solomon in action. Solomon, by contrast, referred to his wife as "my beloved" forty times in the Song of Solomon. That choice phrase is packed with affirmation. It's a romantic expression, a call to rich friendship. Each time Solomon said, "My beloved," his words clothed her with dignity and value.

What woman wouldn't flourish under such a constant stream of loving affirmation?

Here are thirty nonsexual ways to cherish your bride through words and acts of affirmation. And by the way, these are nonsexual so that you speak her romantic love language. It's important to remember that you are not doing these things to get something in return. Perhaps she will reciprocate in your language back to you, but that's not your goal. Are you ready?

1. Hug and kiss her every morning before leaving the house. Research indicates that marriages that practice this simple discipline are much healthier than those that don't. If she's sleeping, leave her a note, or gently kiss her forehead and whisper, "Have a wonderful day, sweetheart."

2. Reach across the front seat of the car when you drive and hold her hand, even for a few moments. Allow your fingers to become entwined.

3. Write, "I'm crazy about you, Honey. You're the best!" or another personal message on a yellow sticky note. Attach it to her bathroom mirror.

4. Call her from work and say, "I've been thinking of how good I have it with you in my life. Thanks for all that you are as a woman and all that you do for me and our family."

5. The next time you get a pair of tickets to a ball game, theater, or concert that she'd like to go to, make a sacrifice. Instead of going with a buddy, tuck them in her purse with a note saying, "You deserve a night off. Have fun with a girlfriend."

6. Go an entire day without criticizing anything about her. Instead, try to notice her doing something that you really appreciate, and tell her how much you value her.

7. Go to bed at the same time with her for a week; just talk or read a book and share the quietness together. Or play a card game that you used to play when you dated or were just married.

8. Brush her hair and compliment her hair and eyes.

9. While she studies her face in the mirror, come up behind her and gently kiss the back of her neck. Say, "God broke the mold after He made you. You are so beautiful."

10. Call her or send her an e-mail midafternoon and ask her how her day is going.

11. Try your hand at making breakfast on Saturday morning. Tell her she deserves a break and should feel free to sleep in.

12. Take her car to the gas station, fill the tank, vacuum the floor mats, and clean the windows. When you park it at the house, leave a note on the dash with just a heart and the words, "Thinking of you."

13. Write her a short love letter in which you list several ways that she has blessed you this year.

14. Resurrect common courtesies. Start opening the car door for her as you did when you dated, pull out her chair for her at the dinner table, offer your arm while walking down stairs, and help her put her coat on.

15. If she's doing the laundry, pull yourself away from whatever you're doing and offer to bring the hamper.

16. Put the toilet seat down when you're finished, and wash your hands. I'd estimate that 40 percent of men don't. Our wives do know. Stroking her face after you've been to the bathroom suddenly loses its romantic appeal!

17. Put down the newspaper or turn off the computer, and say, "Why don't we go for a walk and talk? I'd love to hear about your day."

18. If you overhear her engaged in a difficult situation on the phone or with a child, compliment the way she handled the conversation.

19. Initiate daily prayer with her. This one spiritual discipline has transformed millions of marriages. Make a commitment, and then begin to pray together every day. Begin by giving thanks for her and your family, then pray with her about her worries and challenges. Ask her to pray for you about a challenge you are facing.

20. Say, "Thank you," after every meal she serves. Then help her clear the table or offer to do the dishes with her.

21. If she has wrestled with a specific spiritual issue (such as gossip, envy, a lack of compassion), tell her how much you appreciate her desire to handle it in a godly manner.

22. Express appreciation for her doing the laundry and folding your clothing.

23. Each day try to say, "I love the way you _______ ," and fill in the blank with something you've observed.

24. When your wife irons your shirts or picks up the dry cleaning, say, "Thanks, Honey, for taking such good care of me."

25. When the alarm goes off in the morning, wrap your arm around her, press your body next to hers, and cuddle for several minutes. When you leave, say, "I wish I didn't have to go."

26. The next time you go to dinner, say, "You've had a tough day, Sweetie. Why don't you pick the spot tonight?"

27. When you are together in a crowd, find a way to brag on her. Say, "My wife is such an amazing cook," or "I've got the best wife—her ______ never ceases to amaze me."

28. The morning after making love, touch her tenderly, and tell her how wonderful it was to be with her.

29. With your wife in the room, tell your kids, "You've got the best mommy in the world. Isn't she great? I just love her so much."

30. Help her put the kids to bed each night.

For some men, the thought of affirming their wives sounds like a lot of work. Others are anxious about being so vulnerable with displays of affirmation. Whatever the reason, they hesitate to step out and pursue the call to love found in Ephesians 5:25 (NKJV): "Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her."

If you've hesitated affirming your bride, or if you've been slow to praise her qualities, trust me on this: just do it. Affirming your wife through even just three or four of these ideas will do wonders for your romance. Is that too difficult to believe?

You'll never know unless you try, right?

My husband, Dennis, and I received an email about the romantic differences between men and women. It began by asking, "How do you romance a woman?"

Answer: "Wine her, dine her, call her, cuddle with her, surprise her, compliment her hair, shop with her, listen to her talk, buy flowers, hold her hand, write love letters, and be willing to go to the end of the earth and back again for her." That sounds about right, doesn't it? Who wouldn't want that kind of treatment?

Ahhh … men.

The email continued, "How do you romance a man?"

Answer: "Arrive naked. Bring food."

A woman's picture of romance tends to revolve around her emotional needs and her thirst for a relationship with her husband. It's a package deal, like going on a cruise. Your cruise ticket doesn't just allow you to enjoy sailing on a ship through beautiful waters to exotic locations; it includes three meals a day plus all-you-can-eat midnight buffets, access to swimming pools, games, exercise facilities, entertainment, excursions to ports of call, and a host of other amenities and experiences.

While a man has emotional needs, too, as Dr. Willard Harley asserts in His Needs, Her Needs, a man's view of romance is much more focused on a single experience: sexual affirmation. In that regard, God wired men and women very differently. As you probably have experienced, these radical differences in approach to romance set the stage for repeated clashes in marriage—the husband pursues romance based on his sexual passion, and the wife goes after relationship.

In order to understand these differences, we have to be educated and nurture a desire to learn about each other. Colossians tells us to "put on a heart of compassion" (3:12 NASB). If I love my husband, then I'll want to know him, to understand him, to have empathy for him so I can love him more. It's what we wanted in marriage: to know and be known by another in the safety of unconditional love.

Genesis chapters one and two teach that man and woman are made in the image of God. As I understand how God made my husband, I can better complete him as a man. We are "fearfully and wonderfully made," the Bible declares (Psalms 139:14 NKJV). My husband's maleness is as essential as my femaleness in the working out of God's design in our marriage.

Like oil and vinegar

When God created woman, He gave her multiple avenues for expressing the essence of her sexuality—her femaleness. Because I am a woman, I can participate in sexual intercourse with my husband. I can conceive a child and experience the miraculous process of creating a life in my body over nine months. My husband can only watch and wonder, but he'll never know what giving life is like.

After my child is born, I can physically nurse her for months and even years if I so choose. There is no way a man can feed a baby with a bottle and begin to experience the same deep fulfillment and satisfaction women feel when they successfully nurse their child.

The experiences of childbearing and nursing are affirmations of female sexuality. Women were made to nurture life. It is an expression of our inherent femaleness, even if we never have a biological child. We are nurturers by God's design.

By contrast, a man's sexuality, his manhood, is primarily expressed through sexual intercourse. Of course this isn't the only way he demonstrates his sexuality, but his sexual performance with his wife is an inseparable part of who he is. This area of his masculinity is subjected by the design of the Creator to a brief performance with a woman—his wife.

My point is this: when it comes to affirming your sexuality as a woman, you can participate in intercourse with your husband without having to become aroused. Your husband, however, cannot. His sexual affirmation requires him to be able to perform to complete the act of intercourse.

A wife must understand that temptation can get a foothold when her husband's sexual needs (including the need to feel desired by his wife) remain unmet. There are many voices in a man's world tempting him to fulfill his needs through illicit and perverted recreational outlets. Counterfeit pleasures beckon from every street corner—and every modem.

Is it any wonder that all of the warnings about sexual temptation in Proverbs are directed at men? While women are not immune from the pressures of sexual temptation, I find it remarkable that there are a host of examples of men falling into this sin throughout the Scriptures (Judah sleeping with his daughter-in-law thinking she was a prostitute, David and Bathsheba, Samson and Delilah, or Amnon raping Tamar)—not to mention the examples of women trying to seduce men (such as Potiphar's wife luring Joseph to her sofa), but there are no examples of women being seduced by men.

In a way, the blending of our romantic differences is similar to making a good salad dressing. Oil and vinegar are about as dissimilar as condiments get. The only thing they have in common is that they are liquids. Oil is smooth; vinegar is sharp. Oil is thick; vinegar is thin. Left alone in the same bottle, the two will always migrate to opposite ends and remain there forever—unless shaken.

Interestingly even after the bottle has been shaken, the two retain their unique identities. And yet they complement each other in a perfect unity; together, they serve as a zesty finish to an otherwise bland mix of lettuces. And so it is in marriage. No matter how many times a husband and a wife come together, they always remain unique. He will always think like a man; she, like a woman. While their innate design will not change, they can better understand each other and move to love each other with compassion, knowing that, in so doing, they give each other life.

Grateful for God's design

I've had women ask me, "Could God possibly design such a gigantic flaw?" Could He really not know the implications for His children? Hardly. God's design isn't a mistake. God is in control. He fashioned us together as husband and wife the way we are wired, with our unique backgrounds, for a specific purpose.

And He has done the same for you.

I turned a corner in our relationship when I chose to begin thanking God for His design of my husband and me. As a result, I started to see how important it was for my husband to need me, and I began to appreciate his greater sexual drive. Our coming together sexually was a key part of what has kept our relationship a marriage—not merely friendship, a roommate living arrangement. Sexual intimacy with my husband gives both of us the comfort of being known and accepted on a deep level that is unlike other human relationship. Safety and security are the result when we experience being "naked and not ashamed" as did Adam and Eve in Genesis chapter two.

Have you ever thanked God for the way He created you and your husband? God doesn't make mistakes, and thanking Him for His design is the first step in finding peace in your situation. And doing that will give God the opportunity to change your thinking.

Thanking God is a decision I choose to make. From there, I choose to love my husband even if I don't have strong feelings. Love, ultimately, is a commitment to seek the best of the one loved. I can choose to exercise my power as a passionate, nurturing, fully alive woman, or I can withhold and withdraw.

You face the same decision to love your man today.

Your husband will never be the man God created him to be if you don't validate his maleness and understand and satisfy his need for sexual intimacy. You are God's primary instrument of love and affirmation if he is to became God's man. You have the power to make him or break him because men are not born, they are made.

Be sure to read Dennis Rainey's article on, "Why Sex Is So Important to Your Wife."

Adapted by permission of Thomas Nelson Inc., Nashville, TN, from Rekindling the Romance, copyright 2004 by Dennis and Barbara Rainey. All rights reserved. Copying or using this material without written permission from the publisher is strictly prohibited and in direct violation of the copyright law.

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How to Start a Sexual Conversation with a Girl Without Sounding Awkward or Creepy.

Your conversation with a girl you’re interested in should be geared towards sexually suggestive topics.

In other words, if you’re talking to a girl you feel attraction for and want to get into a romantic relationship with, you will want to heat up your interaction with her as much as possible.

In addition to the friendly conversation you will be having with her, you have to heat up your conversation to bring you closer to an intimate bond.

The goal here is to introduce sexual tension and generate attraction with her.

Truth is, if you keep talking to a girl you’re interested in on the level of a friend, she will categorize you as a friend in her mind.

She will see you as just a friend, but not someone she feels sexually attracted to.

Now, the drawback to this is that, women or girls know that men want to have sex with them. So any tentative suggestion or advances from you can cause a woman to raise her defenses.

So how do you go about this? How do you start a sexual conversation with a girl without raising any red flags?

Exactly as the title says, in this article I teach you how to start a sexual conversation with a girl without sounding awkward or creepy.

You’ll learn the 3 best ways to introduce the topic of sex without telegraphing any interests.

Before you begin…

Know that, women love to talk about sex…

But most of them are reluctant to talk about it with men they don’t feel comfortable with, or don’t have an emotional connection with.

So before you initiate sexual topics with a woman or a girl, make sure you’ve gained rapport with her first.

It’s even better if she’s giving you some indications of interest. For instance, when she’s playing with her hair, touching you, or leaning in close when conversing. [Read 70 Signs a Girl Gives Off That Signal Her Interest and Attraction for a Guy]

With that said, let’s get started… on how to start a sexual conversation with a girl.

Here’s how to start a sexual conversation with a girl

Talk about things from the sexual perspective:

Let’s say you’re talking about a movie.

Don’t tell her how much you liked it for its car chase and how some dude got to kick some more ass.

Instead, tell her about how you liked the love relationship between the characters. And how you loved the sensuality of their scenes together.

And then you ask her if there are any other movies that has affected her that way, and have her explain why.

Secondly, you have to feed her mind…

Slip in sexually charged words or phrases into your normal conversation with her.

A great way to do this is by using sexual innuendos or double entendre. This is when you say something innocent, yet can be deemed dirty or sexual.

For instance:

"Boy, this is really hard." (When you’re talking about a popsicle.)
"I didn’t come with her." (When you’re talking about a party you went to.)
"He almost rear-ended her." (When you’re talking about a car accident.)

Another effective way to gradually bring up sexual topics is to use “That’s what she said jokes”.

When she says something like:

"Put it inside"
"It’s much better when it's wet"
"Do you wanna come inside" (when she’s inviting you into her apartment)

…then you respond with:

"That’s what SHE said"

Or when she says something like…

"You’re making it hard (for me)"
"It’s getting really hard"
"I wanna eat the whole thing"

…then you respond with:

"That’s what HE said"

When she says something dirty on purpose, then tease her for having a dirty mind.

Of course, you don’t want to go into this territory during the early stages or when you’ve just met.

You start with superficial conversation, then build it up to a more sexual conversation.

Again, make sure you’ve gained rapport with her first. Then you start using words that are sexually charged in your conversation.

And with time, she’ll be comfortable talking about sexual topics with you.

If she doesn’t play along, then she probably isn’t comfortable with you yet.

Next on how to start a sex conversation with a girl…

Bring up a sexual situation of a friend of yours

For instance:

You can tell her you have a female friend who is complaining that her boyfriend doesn’t like going down south during sex. And she thinks her boyfriend doesn’t like the idea of going down on her or isn’t taking the hints she’s giving him.

Now, ask her how women can suggest things like that to their men.

"So how do women hint that sort of thing?"

(You see what you’re doing here… you’re getting her to specifically talk about sex)

Now, if she talks freely on the subject of sex, then she’s comfortable discussing sexual situations with you.

And from here on, she’ll start initiating sexual conversations with you.

So there you have it… how to start a sex conversation with a girl.

Understand this: Don’t make the woman you’re talking to the subject of sexual conversation. Only talk about other people’s sexual situations.

Conclusion: How to start a sex conversation with a girl

If you can bring up sexual topics or start a sexual conversation with a girl in a way that doesn’t hint you want to sleep with her, she will be more interested and open to talking about sexual topics with you. (Again, women love to talk about sex)

And again, as mentioned earlier, make sure you’ve gained rapport with her first.

Pay attention to her when using the above 3 tactics.

If you can tell she’s comfortable with such conversation and she plays along, take it further. But if not, back off a little and continue with your normal conversation.

When all’s said and done, when a woman is open to talking about sex, it doesn’t mean she’s ready to have sex with you. It means she’s comfortable around you.

So again, that’s how to start a sexual conversation with a girl.

Ever wake up in the A.M. confused about the crazy sex dream you just had? Before you jump to conclusions—like it's a sign that you should get a divorce or your hubby is texting another woman—there's something Ian Wallace, psychologist, dream expert, and author of The Complete A To Z Dictionary Of Dreams: Be Your Own Dream Expert, thinks you should know: Your sex dreams have absolutely nothing to do with, well, having sex at all. Here's what they really mean:

1. Cheating on your husband.

A dream like this often points to an underlying lack of trust, but not in your marriage. "It means that the dreamer is losing faith in their own attractiveness and is experiencing something in their waking life that is making them feel less confident and sure of themselves," says Wallace. Whether you got shot down after presenting a new idea at work, or that super-fit, has-it-all mom is suddenly making you question everything, Wallace says it's a sign you're seeking too much approval from those around you.

2. Having gay sex—if you're straight—or straight sex—if you're gay.

"You're becoming very comfortable with your body and tolerant about your beliefs, morals, and values as a person." But that's not all. Wallace says it also could be a reflection of your adventurous side as a parent, spouse, and employee.

3. Sex with a person who has no face.

"The face symbolizes identity, so if the person you're having sex with has no face, it means there's something you're constantly being challenged by in your life that you haven't discovered yet," says Wallace. In other words, it's a call to action to look more closely at what could potentially be holding you back so you can fix it, asap.

4. Best-friend sex.

It might seem weird, but Wallace says fantasies like these come and go when there's a personality trait you really admire that your best friend has. See? No major problems here. Unless of course your situation is eerily similar to Joey and Rachel's.

5. Experiencing an actual orgasm.

If it feels like you're having an orgasm, it could actually be because you're getting close to experiencing one physically, according to studies. It's not just men who get extra excited while catching z's. Experts say women, too, go through bodily changes—i.e. increase in vaginal lubrication, enlarged clitoris—during the REM stage of sleep that can lead to arousal down there. And if your sex dream happens to coincide with the time that you're experiencing REM, you're really in for a treat.

6. Sex with a co-worker you can't stand.

In short, you're super jealous of a work-related talent or skill that this person is good at and are frustrated that they're excelling at it and you aren't, says Wallace.

7. Sex with Bradley Cooper.

Or Becks. Or Leo circa 1997. Besides the possibility that you might just be dreaming out a life-long fantasy of having sex with a hot celeb, Wallace says these kinds of dreams signal that you—like most celebrities—are really good at something in your life and have the ability to gain even more power from it. Lucky you...and Bradley.

Different people notice different features in potential partners: maybe you're drawn to dark eyes, or you have a thing for shapely biceps. There are common patterns in what people like to see in possible mates, however, and fitness equipment review site Fitrated.com sussed them out by surveying 2,017 U.S. respondents on their favorite body types and body parts among members of their preferred gender.

Choosing from the body type categories "average," "muscular," "curvy," "thin," and "other," 41.7 percent of straight women in the survey reported that they liked men with average bodies best (the affinity for dad bod lives on), while 35.8 percent of straight women said they opted for muscular dudes. Among gay women, 35.9 percent preferred women with an average body type, while 30.1 percent sought out curvy women, and 11.2 percent liked ladies with a muscular build.

Straight men, meanwhile, most often professed their appreciation for curvy women, to the tune of 48 percent; 24.1 percent of straight men preferred average women, 22.4 percent liked thin women, and only 3.8 percent said that muscular women were their ideal. (Ugh gender norms. I'm hitting the gym tomorrow morning in protest.) Gay men were more split, with 36.1 percent looking for muscular partners, 26.7 percent pleased with average-bodied gentlemen, 18.3 percent liking their partners thin, and 11.1 percent calling "curvy" the ideal body type.

As for which female body part got straight men going the most, among guys who preferred average and curvy women, it was the chest; among men who liked thin women, the butt beat out the chest by half a percentage point. No matter what body type they sought out, straight women reported that they liked arms the best out of a man's body parts, while gay women reported that they were most into women's chests regardless of body type preference. Finally, gay men with an affinity for average- and muscular-bodied men prioritized the chest, while gay men who liked thin men said they looked to the stomach.

Conscious that this entire report is about what other people think of how you look, Fitrated.com ends on a body-positive note, advising that "while it's nice to grab attention, you should love and take care of your body regardless." Something to keep in mind the next time you hit Tinder.

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